


A Waste of Time

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angsty teenage emotions, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Oneshot, Unrequited, also i really recommend google drive because it is so beautiful oh my god, also like i made tsukishima seem like such a bad person omg, i made this fic like 2 years ago so like idek, not sponsored by google, probably really ooc i'm sorry, there's a bit of swearing sorry, this is so cliche im sorry, why am i so dramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-22 23:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sometimes it's absolutely terrible when you find someone special because when you do find that someone, everything about you revolves around them and only they can make you feel right. They have an unknown and uncontrollable impact on you; the moment they leave everything feels askew, and when they come back you feel so different. And when something happens to them, something happens to you.So when Tsukishima one day begins leaving Yamaguchi during the break times, Yamaguchi has no idea why he's leaving and where he's going. Their conversations and interactions become nonexistent and Tsukishima's behaviour changes to a point where it's almost like they're strangers. The only thing Yamaguchi definitely knows is that something happened, whether it be between them or Tsukishima himself, and it's affecting him in ways that shouldn't be there. There had to be a reason why Tsukishima's been doing this.And he was right. Something definitely happened.(I made this fic like 2 years ago and it's been sitting in my drive so I was like "I might as well post this shitty fic")





	A Waste of Time

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by: http://imsatansfavouritechild.tumblr.com/post/149481799061 (look at their art, it's super cute)
> 
> Hello! This is an old af fic that's been collecting cobwebs in my drive and I have no idea what to do with it. So, might as well post it here.
> 
> ALSO SORRY IF IT'S LIKE SUPER OVERDRAMATIC AND ALL. I WAS LIKE 13 WHEN I WROTE THIS SO EXPECT A LOT OF EMOTIONS AND SUCH :/

**4 WEEKS EARLIER**

It wasn’t weird that Tsukishima would leave Yamaguchi to eat by himself during the lunch break sometimes. At times, Tsukishima would sometimes leave the smaller boy to eat and talk to himself while he just sat there, eating with his headphones on full blast. There were also times when he left Yamaguchi halfway into the break. These times weren’t weird in the slightest; it was pretty common for him to leave Yamaguchi alone or to not converse with the shorter boy, unfortunately.

The sun shone brilliantly with birds of brown, grey and white flying across the everso blue sky that was clear of white clouds, chirping away around the school and perching on the branches with leaves of orange and yellow with splotches of green. Students moved about like these avian creatures, chatting while they walked from place to place around the school, thriving in the youth of their lives. The school grounds, clean and neat with rows of trees standing side by side by the pavement that led to the school’s heart, were still simple and plain with nothing out of place. Teachers in the classes were either teaching or scolding the delinquents and troublemakers, and the school work was still the same -- boring and bothersome.

Today seemed like a good, ordinary day.

Today was also one of those days when he was left alone, so when Tsukishima went off to who-knows-where, Yamaguchi sat alone on his table, eating his lunch. He periodically looked over to his classmates who were having fun mucking around and chatting amongst each other. The girls, dressed in their school skirts and shirts, stayed with the other girls, and some girls went over to the boys to flirt. The boys, in their uniform, a gakuran, stayed with the other boys, and some boys went over to the girls to flirt. Some people disappeared and some stayed in their seats. Some sat and some stood. But no matter who they were or what they were doing, they all had someone with them.

To be honest to himself, Yamaguchi was always jealous of his fellow peers. He would never admit it but it was the painful truth. They had people to be with and Yamaguchi was always alone. Even when he was with the blond, he never truly felt like he had someone with him due to the multiple constant one-sided conversations they had. Sure, at times his classmates would try invite him into their conversations but he never felt right with those people. They were either too loud, too active, too talkative or too boring. And yes, there was Hinata and Kageyama too but like everyone else, they just didn’t feel just right enough. Tsukishima was the only one who made him feel right -- well, closest to right.

But he wasn’t here.

His eyes gazed over to the window, peering down at the school grounds below. The cool, autumn breeze rustled the dry leaves of the rows of trees that were baked from the hot summer days, blowing the school with a comforting gust of air. In the sun’s light, the orange leaves glowed vibrantly, contrasting against the dark brown branches that were spread out like an open hand. It was a magnificent view that took his breath away. Quickly grabbing his phone, Yamaguchi quickly took a picture and looked at the photo. Seeing that it perfectly captured the grace of the autumn trees, he swung his head back to the front with excitement in his eyes, bringing the phone up.

“Hey Tsukki, doesn’t this look nice?”

He faced the phone towards the seat in front of him -- the seat that was meant to be occupied by the blond. Realising the empty seat, he then slowly brought the phone back down, his face clear from the excitement he felt before.

“Oh yeah... He isn’t here...”

 

\---

 

**3 WEEKS AND 1 DAY EARLIER**

During those breaks which he was alone in, he spent most of that time thinking about himself and his relationship with Tsukishima, which happened to be unrequited infatuation, and which didn’t shock Yamaguchi. It explained a lot about his behaviour towards Tsukishima. It would probably be the reason why he wished to impulsively grab that hand, why he wished to hold the blond, why he wished to be with him for longer, why he wanted to make sure he was happy. It would probably be why he’d daydream how nice it would be in Tsukishima’s arms, how red their faces will be, how close they’d be. It’d explain his desires to constantly be with the blond, his jealousy towards Tsukishima’s friends and his pains from seeing him go. Curse these hormones and teenage emotions!

_Of course he’d have other friends. He’s cool after all. Everyone likes him._

Taking his mind off of his unwanted desires, he began imagining the scenery of Tsukishima and his peers. If he was to picture the Tsukishima with his friends, he’d probably be laughing along with them or making jokes. Or maybe he’d sit there, cool and silent, while listening to their exciting stories as they surrounded him. He’d go off to the cafeteria with them, moving around like a ball of chatter, and they’d do everything together. Altogether, he would definitely have a better time with them than with Yamaguchi.

_No… That shouldn’t be it. You’ve done nothing wrong. If he didn’t want to hang out with you, he would’ve told you so._

_Yeah, I guess so..._

After shooing away the train of thoughts about Tsukishima and his network of friends, Yamaguchi’s mind wandered, wondering about his friends in the volleyball club. He wondered how the other first years like Kageyama and Hinata were doing, wondered about how the other people he met during his volleyball matches were doing, like Bokuto and Kuroo, and wondered when he’d get to play in a match again.

Yamaguchi looked around his class as he slowly nibbled onto his rice. Other than the leaves of the trees, nothing had changed. People continued walking around, talking with others and enjoying the spirit of their youth. Teachers continued telling off people and educating people. School work was still the same. Everything was the same. Everything was the same but the leaves of the trees. He took another picture of the beautiful trees in the same way he did previously, smiling at the photo for a short lasting moment before putting his phone safely away into his pocket.

Today was a good, ordinary day.

As the break ended, Tsukishima casually walked back and sat quietly at his desk that was to the right of Yamaguchi’s desk. There was no conversation between the two -- only a meeting of golden-brown eyes quickly glancing at the green-browns. As much as he wanted to start a conversation with the blond, he thought he should give Tsukishima some space, but the desire to know how he was doing and how he was feeling convinced the boy to go against his first intentions, so Yamaguchi scribbled on a piece of paper.

Yamaguchi: So, how was your break?

Tsukishima: Pretty okay

Yamaguchi: Well that’s good!

Tsukishima: Yeah

Tsukishima didn’t seem keen on conversing more but unidentified feelings overwhelmed Yamaguchi, troubling him into making the conversation last a little longer. He didn’t know why and he didn’t know how but his hand continued moving on its own, writing words upon words that quickly formed into a sentence. Although this troubled him, he went along with it.

Yamaguchi: Oh yeah, you want to see this cool photo I took?

Tsukishima: No

Yamaguchi: All good! Hey, how was it with your friends?

Tsukishima: Good.

Yamaguchi: I see, I see. What are they like?

Tsukishima: They’re cool.

Yamaguchi: That’s good.

There was no reply when Tsukishima returned the piece of paper, clearly indicating his disinterest in the conversation, as he stared lifelessly at the teacher. Disheartened, Yamaguchi sighed softly to himself, making sure that the other didn’t hear. He picked up his pen to reply back on the paper and shoved it away into the depths of his pencil case.

Yamaguchi: I’m sorry. I love you. Please don’t leave me alone.

 

\---

 

**2 WEEK AND 5 DAYS EARLIER**

“Hey, Tsukki. What do you think about the practice match with Aoba Josai that’s coming in a month?”

“They’re not going to be much of a problem as long as I can predict their movements.”

_Classic Tsukki._

“Haha, I wish that I can predict as well as you.”

“Yeah.”

_Keep the conversation going!_

“Hey, would it be okay if I hung out with you and your friends?”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t think they’d mind.”

_But do you mind?_

“Sweet!”

_They’d probably hate me._

“Yeah, I can introduce them to you.”

_I just want to be with you. Just the two of us... alone... together..._

“Awesome. Can't wait to meet them.”

_They'll probably be tons better than me._

Silence.

“I’m gonna go use the restroom.”

“Oh okay, Tsukki.”

_Please come back soon._

Tsukishima stood up with a push of his chair, dismissing himself without a word. As the taller boy walked away from the classroom, Yamaguchi looked over the window that he was familiar with. The trees, all painted in the orange and golden colours of honey and marigold, were slowly turning into a bloody crimson, having some red leaves rest upon the blurry haze of orange like wet, running, red paint on a canvas of orange. Once again, he took another photo. In his opinion, autumn was possibly the most beautiful season there was. It was the season of changing, of colder and shorter days, of wondrous decaying leaves. It was the season of transition from thriving life to deathly silence -- a breathtaking season that covers up the inevitable, quiet winter.

Waiting patiently for Tsukishima, Yamaguchi spent his time on his phone -- looking at the news, checking his social media, reading some manga he downloaded. It was after a while when he stopped himself at a chapter. He peeked over at the numbers on the top that indicated time, seeing how it was roughly 26 minutes since Tsukishima left.

_Told you. He doesn’t like you. He probably never did._

_No, maybe he just got caught up in something._

_Bullshit. You know the answer but you’re in denial._

Yamaguchi brushed his hair back with a sigh as he stared at the classroom ceiling.

_Why am I even worried about this? I should be worrying about other things -- other important things._

_It’s because you fell for him._

_Shut up._

After successfully silencing his inner conflicting thoughts, he tapped his fingers against the phone screen. His thumb quickly touched the screen, closing the current app and opening the messaging app and onto Tsukishima’s name. Past texts of the previous conversation filled the screen but Yamaguchi paid no attention to them. Swiftly he typed, his thumbs moving about with the corresponding letters appearing on the electronic device. But when his sentence was complete, his thumb hovered over the ‘send’ button, hesitating and thinking over and over and over again about his actions.

_Just do it. If you want him to be with you, then you got to do it._

_But what if I’m disturbing him from something?_

_He literally had 27 or so whole minutes to do that._

_But then what if it’s super important?_

_Like I said, 27 whole minutes._

_But-_

_But that, but this. You’ll never gain anything from doing nothing._

And with that, he pressed it.

But there was no reply.

No reply after a second.

No reply after a minute.

No reply after 5 minutes.

No reply until the end of lunch.

Tsukishima returned back into the classroom with a small flush on his cheeks.

_He seems to be in a good mood._

“Oh hey Tsukki. Did you get my message?”

“No sorry. My phone died.”

_You mean you were busy hanging out with your friends?_

“You took quite a long time in the restroom. I was worried. Was everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just had to do something that I forgot.”

_Tsukki._

“Oh okay. Did you finish it off?”

“Yeah, fortunately.”

_When were you_

“That’s good. What was it by the way?”

_Such a big_

“Just some stuff the teachers asked me to do.”

_Fucking_

“Oh okay.”

_Liar?_

_…_

_Probably ever since he found better people than you._

 

\---

 

**2 WEEK EARLIER**

The foliage was already red and orange, and splotches of brown began to appear on the collection of amber and scarlet leaves, as if a child decided to fling a wet paintbrush across the canvas violently. The paths have started being buried in bright orange, yellow and brown leaves. Everyone seems to love it as seen by the many students picking up a maple or an oak leaf and admiring the elegance of nature. Of course, Yamaguchi took a picture of the view, but decided not to look at it.

The whole week ever since was terrible. Every time that Yamaguchi tried to get included with Tsukishima’s other network of friends, he’d walk off, forgetting about how he was going to introduce Yamaguchi to his circle of friends. Memories of failed attempts and constant abandonment flooded his mind. He remembered how Tsukishima would quickly leave the room before Yamaguchi had any time to get ready and leave as well. He remembered how the blond would always come back with an apology, saying how he forgot about it. He remembered how his own cowardice would pull him back from reaching out to Tsukishima. And every memory wanted him to beat himself up for being a wuss. Not to mention, Tsukishima’s appearance in the volleyball matches started decreasing to the point where he was rarely seen. He probably already stopped coming by now.

He stared into his lunch box, as if his eyes were drilling a hole into it, taking small bites out of it irregularly. It was just some rice with fish and miso soup. Nothing special. Just something nice and ordinary. As ordinary as the day. As he ate, voices of fellow peers surrounded him, and with nothing to do, he listened in.

“You want the coffee flavour or the strawberry flavour?”

“Coffee, thanks.”

“‘Kay, I’ll be right back.”

_That must be nice._

He channelled into another conversation.

“I can’t wait for the new episode to come out!”

“I know right? My expectations were completely destroyed!”

_That must be nice._

He listened into a different chattering.

“Hey have you heard about the new movie that’s coming out?”

“Oh yeah, that one. I heard it’s pretty shit.”

“Really? I thought it looked promising.”

“Who knows.”

_Friends must be nice._

Yamaguchi grabbed out his phone and earpods, listening to his music as he read his manga and ate. But the conversations that he listened in to kept him distracted from reading. Even though the music in his ears were blaring loudly, the voices of the classmates rang in his head, their voices piercing into him. For minutes upon minutes, he sat there, staring at the same page again and again, only to find himself stuck there like a statue. It was after a long period of minutes of stillness that he brought himself to put his lunch away, although having a large amount of leftover food. He took out his earpods and kept them away into his pocket and excused himself, even though he had no one to excuse himself from. He walked over to the boys restroom, locked his cubicle door and sat there. It wasn’t that he needed to do any business. He just wanted to be away from those people.

 

They were loud and friendly and accompanied.

They were loud and friendly and accompanied with their friends.

They were loud and friendly and accompanied with their friends, talking about things.

They were loud and friendly and accompanied with their friends, talking about things that exchanged evenly.

 

They were with someone.

They were with people.

They were with people they loved.

They were with people they loved who also loved them.

They were with people they loved who also loved them, enjoying each other’s company.

They were with people they loved who also loved them, enjoying each other’s company and presence.

 

They were people.

They were people that were not him.

They were people that were not Yamaguchi.

They were people that were not Yamaguchi because they had someone.

They were people that were not Yamaguchi because they had someone to talk to and laugh with.

 

They had someone. He had no one.

He was alone. They were not.

Tsukishima had friends. He did not.

Tsukishima began spending more time with his friends but him.

Was he always this lonely?

Was it his fault?

_It probably was._

Was it because he loved him?

Did he find out?

Did Tsukishima hate him?

_Don’t you fucking cry over something this small._

He never realised the devastating amount of pain that he kept denying.

_Don’t complain over something when you could’ve done something._

He never realised how much time the blond spent with his other friends.

_If you’re so bloody sad, go do something._

His emotions began suffocating him. Was he sad? Was he angry? Was he confused? Was he jealous? Was he feeling abandoned? Was he being clingy? Was he being overdramatic? Was he hurt?

The thoughts and memories ran through his head. He remembered the time Tsukki would encourage Yamaguchi about his practice and how they’d discuss about many topics from latest shows to their homework. Memories of their text messages and times when Tsukishima would bring a box of juice for him. Small memories of small acts of affection. Small memories of wonderful emotions. Small memories of his rare, smiling face. 

_Stop pitying yourself and do something!_

His eyes began welling up.

_Don’t you fucking cry._

His breathing -- uneven, breathy.

_Don’t cry over this small problem._

Hands gripped green hair tightly, pulling it.

_I can’t…_

Fat tears overflowed from his eyes, running against skin. Breathing, even more unsteady, choking over nothing.

_Keep it together!_

_I can’t..._

Drowning in the past, in memories.

_I CAN’T..._

He bursted, tears running down his face like rain on the window, screaming into his sweater sleeve with a muffled cry of dependency hanging onto the air with a firm grasp.

 _Pathetic._ _No wonder he left._

 

Today wasn’t an ordinary day.

Today was a bad day.

 

**\---**

 

**1 WEEK AND 2 DAYS EARLIER**

The lunch bell rang throughout the school , signalling the start of lunch. Instantaneously, students began moving about, some leaving, some staying. One of those students leaving included **Tsukishima**.

“I’ll be going,” he **quickly** spoke as he got up.

“Oh, okay!” Yamaguchi cheerfully beamed. And with that, the blond swiftly and smoothly **disappeared** from the classroom. The moment that he disappeared from sight, the shorter boy **gloomily** looked over at the doorway.

 _He’s with_ **_his friends_ ** _**again**. _

He **slowly** grabbed his lunch and began to eat.

 _He doesn’t like_ **_you_ ** _anymore._

 _Of course he wouldn’t since his friends are_ **_much more fun to be with_ ** _than a babbling idiot like you._

_Why is he gone?_

_Why would he not?_

_I’m supposed to be the_ **_only friend_ ** _he has._

_Friends shouldn't have a **dependency** on each other like this._

_Where did he go?_

_Am I not_ ** _his_** **_closest_** _friend?_

_If you want to see him, go find him!_

_Am I only accompanied because of his_ **_pity_ ** _?_

 _Why doesn’t he come for_ **_me_ ** _?_

 _Just because he doesn’t like socialising doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have_ **_any friends other than you_ ** _._

 _Why did you fall for someone like him when you know the_ **_inevitable_ ** _will come?_

Then, he stopped eating. He had **enough** . Even though it was not even halfway finished, he placed it away. The plainness of rice made him **sick** and the steamed vegetables wouldn’t help with his appetite in the slightest. All he could taste was sludgy wateriness from the vegetables and the dry stickiness of rice against the walls in his mouth. With a snap of the lunch box closing, he slipped it into his bag and stared outside of the window. There were half as many leaves as the past couple weeks and they were all going brown . The trees were losing their beauty, having their dead leaves plastered to the path below in multiple shades of brown. He still took a picture of it though. He had **nothing** to do. He sighed at the sight of the picture; it was way uglier than the earlier pictures but he decided not to delete the image. The brown brought a sense of comfort, as if it was comforting him.

Memories of the breakdown in the restroom **haunted** Yamaguchi. He remembered **every** **single thing** about it -- the thoughts, the pain, the difficulty in breathing, the wetness of tears running down his face. He felt pathetic then and he felt pathetic now. He stared into space, imagining the experience once again and shutting it off again, repeating that film of memory again and again as if it would change every time.  For some reason, doing this was soothing. Just the feeling of knowing that it’s in the past and not in the present gave a relaxed feeling, but knowing that this would always be remembered of disrupted the reassuring sensation.

Daydreaming became one of the things that Yamaguchi did on breaks like these. With Tsukishima probably only spending class time with him and talking to him as much as a deaf man, he would daydream to keep himself **company** . Sometimes he’d doodle on the back of his books, drawing pictures of him, of **Tsukishima** and his volleyball friends; although the drawings were pretty terrible, drawing was relaxing. Sometimes he’d go on his phone, using his mobile data until it reached to a low percentage of battery life, and sometimes he’d take naps during the breaks, dreaming of him and the blond spending time **together** . But of course, those fantasies would be destroyed by the piercing ringing of the bell from reality, and he’d meet with the boy who he had **confused feelings** for.

Today was an ordinary day.

 

\---

 

**5 DAYS EARLIER**

Yamaguchi looked over at the window, taking a picture of the nearly bare trees that littered the ground with their decaying leaves. The weather was still bright and beautiful, but the windy breezes were much colder than they were in the beginning -- stronger as well. Of course, he wasn’t here and so, Yamaguchi went on his phone, looking at his social media feed while listening to the songs he had heard millions of times.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you with Tsukishima in a long time.”

Yamaguchi looked up at the female, one of his classmates, taking out one of his earpods.

“Sorry?”

“I haven’t seen you with Tsukishima in quite a long time. Where is he?” she questioned.

_Of course she’d ask about Tsukishima._

He stretched a smile. “I don’t know, sorry.”

“He hasn’t been around you. What happened between the two of you?”

_Please don’t ask me about him._

“Oh we’re fine. Nothing happened.” Yamaguchi glued his eyes back onto his phone screen.

_Just keep smiling until she goes away._

“Are you sure? You looked pretty unhappy for the past couple weeks.”

_Please… don’t…_

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He forced himself to look back to the girl standing at his desk.

“No, you don’t look fine. You look really lonely.” She leaned a couple centimetres closer to Yamaguchi. “Are you sure there was nothing between the two of you?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Very sure.” He urged.

“Sure, my ass. He left you for the past couple weeks.”

“Don’t worry about that.” _Please, just don’t…_ “I asked him to give me some space.”

“But this is just too much! He’s your closest friend and close friends don’t leave each other for nearly a month.” Her concern was irritatingly nice.

Yamaguchi’s smile faltered slightly, his lips quivering. “No, no. It’s okay.” 

_Please..._

“Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“And I’m telling you that everything is fine.” His hands fiddled with the earpod wire.

_Leave..._

“Was he the one who left you?”

“I asked him to give me some space so of course he’d leave me,” he chuckled forcibly.

“No. I mean, did he leave you for someone else?”

Bullseye.

“No, he didn’t.” He shook his head.

“Please, tell me, Yamaguchi. I’m really concerned.” She inched herself a little more closer to him.

_Please. Stop._

“And I said I’m fine.” He urged even more, his smile dropped and his eyes stared at the black screen that was his phone.

“Everyone is concerned, Yamaguchi. Everyone in our class is concerned. We’ve noticed this in the past weeks but we didn’t want to bring it up. But this has been going on for way too long. Please, talk to us... ” Her voice pleaded with him.

_Please._

“I said I’m fine!" His face turned to look at her dead in the eye -- his eyes displaying fear and vulnerability that contradicted his voice that boomed throughout the classroom, bringing all the attention to him. Taking a look around himself, he observed how the fellow students stared at him; their eyes looking straight at him, judging him as if he was some showcase or out of his place. The girl who was talking to him, stared at him in surprise, wide-eyed and retreating a couple of centimetres back away from the desk. After a couple of seconds, everyone returned back to talking but in hushed tones unlike their casual chatter before.

“Fuck…” She turned her head away with her hand against her forehead covering one of her eyes, genuine regret clear on her face. “I-I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s… it’s okay.” Yamaguchi looked down at this table.

“No, no. This is my fault. I got too carried away in trying to help you when it wasn’t my position to butt in with your privacy.”

“No, it’s fine. I just…” He paused, trying to find a word to complete the sentence.

“Had it bad?”

“Yeah…”He replied in a barely audible whisper.

“God… Um…,” she fidgeted, “Well, just remember, we really do care about you. If you need help, the whole class is here to help you, okay? Don’t be afraid to hang out with us, okay?”

“Yeah, thanks…”

And with that, she walked off awkwardly with her friends asking her questions and her answering vaguely, trying not to tell too much, in which he appreciated. He went back to listening to his music and reading manga, but he ended up just staring at the screen, having his thoughts come back and overtaking his senses.

_Nice job. Everyone’s worried about you, you high-maintenance, piece of crap. Well, everyone but him._

 

_\---_

 

**THE DAY**

For the past weeks or so, Tsukishima was skipping out on volleyball as no one bothered trying to get him to do practice. But today was different. Daichi decided that Tsukishima had been taking too long a break and made the first years to hunt him down and get him to go to club practice; the practice game was coming in a week and it was very important that their smartest member came to practice. Hinata and Kageyama complained, saying how it would be his fault for not going but followed the captain’s orders in the end, fearing that they’d irritate him. Of course, Yamaguchi had to follow the bickering duo.

Ever since his female classmate came up to him, he was busy thinking -- thinking about Tsukishima and his significance to Yamaguchi. While Yamaguchi, with the help of his infatuation, was hung up upon waiting for Tsukishima to come back to him, the blond was busy with his other friends without any thought about Yamaguchi. Thinking about this, he realised about how he had wasted a whole month waiting for Tsukishima -- a whole month of waiting that he could never get back -- and it was until recently that he decided to bring himself to overcome his cowardice and chase after Tsukishima. He had enough of waiting around. He had enough of losing opportunities to prove himself to be one of Tsukishima’s friends and not someone who just hangs around him. He had enough of his shit.

“Hey, Yamaguchi. Would you know where Tsukishima would be at?” Hinata questioned. Kageyama quickly shot a glare towards Hinata who responded in confusion.

Snapping out of his deep thoughts, Yamaguchi glanced at Kageyama, who gave Yamaguchi a soft face of concern, and then panned over at his shorter friend. “Oh, no. I don’t know.”

“I see…” Hinata thought hard, having his hand on his chin. “Well,” he pointed towards the library, “we can always start off there.”

Together, they marched to the building, splitting up after reaching the large room. However, after a minute or two’s worth of searching, they couldn’t find him anywhere. Leaving the building, they continued searching around, from the grass oval to the numerous empty classrooms, all having no Tsukishima to be found.

“God, where in the world could he be at?” Hinata groaned, feeling restless. “We’ve been looking around for like 20 minutes or something.”

“Well, we can try the roof. He might be there...” Yamaguchi suggested. _With his friends._

Not wanting to waste any more time, they ran across the long, empty hallways of classrooms. Fast rhythms of footsteps were made upon the floor; the three climbing up the stairway to the door that led to the rooftops; a popular place for students to hang around away from their club sessions. However, they didn’t see him at all. Together, Kageyama and Hinata groaned loudly in frustration.

“URGH, SCREW IT!” Hinata complained. “Why should we be looking for some guy who probably doesn’t even like volleyball?”

“For once, I agree with you. Let’s just go back. **He isn’t worth our time**.” Kageyama replied bitterly, annoyed at the situation they were in.

And together, they marched swiftly back to the gym where the rest of the club members were at, Kageyama and Hinata only focussed upon getting their requirement of practice for the upcoming game, whereas Yamaguchi walked back with nothing on his mind. They strolled, nearing the gym only to stop and watch Tsukishima walking towards a vending machine with a girl who clung her arm around his. All three of them stood there in surprise and silence, observing the actions of the blond and the unknown brunette.

 

He purchases some drinks.

He grabs them out and passes one of the five drinks over to the girl, who giggles in return.

When was the last time he gave me one?

He gives a small smile at her, a smile that he never shown before, and his face returns to its usual, stoic facial expression.

_He never smiled at me like that._

She pops her box of juice and happily slurps it.

They turn towards the school building. Tsukishima turns his head to passively look at the trio and back to the building.

She holds his left hand.

He firmly holds her right hand.

Their fingers holding each other like lovers who couldn't live without each other.

Yamaguchi looks down and entwine his hands together tightly.

They leave together, hand in hand.

 

Still taken aback from the scene, Hinata smiled brightly and pointed towards the couple, “Tsukishima’s new girlfriend is so cute!” dragging the ‘o’ in ‘so’.

_When did he have her? Ever since when?_

“I never knew he actually started dating someone! She’s super pretty, don’t you think?” Hinata continued, his eyes sparkling.

_She is really pretty, haha..._

“Man, I wish I have a girlfriend like that.”

_Who wouldn’t? Who would want some disgusting homo?_

“Hinata,” Kageyama urged.

_Fuck…_

“He’s so luck-”

“Hinata,” Kageyama addressed louder, looking sternly at Hinata, elbowing him softly but firmly.

The orange-haired boy finally looked up at his taller friend, who gazed over at Yamaguchi in anguish. Following the gaze, Hinata was caught back by the crying face that betrayed the smile that was stretched upon Yamaguchi’s face.

“Haha yeah,” came out a choking cry, “She’s cute.”

Both Kageyama and Hinata looked at each other in hopelessness and quickly brought themselves closer towards Yamaguchi, holding his shoulder tenderly and asking questions of concern that didn’t ease the sobbing face of a boy they never seen crying.

“She’s really cute.” He stuttered, gasping desperately for air while hiccuping, “She’s perfect for him... unlike me.”

\--

When they came back, they immediately excused themselves to Daichi, trying to be as vague yet clear as much as possible about their reasoning. Not fully understanding the situation, the captain glimpsed over the trio. Yamaguchi was resting his head against Kageyama’s back and his fingers gripped tightly onto Hinata’s gym shirt, both boys sharing a look of protectiveness and hurt. Thankfully, the captain quickly understood the significance of the situation and excused them for the day, telling them to make sure they were to come back tomorrow. They walked over to the empty green field and sat upon the grass in stillness, having the blades of grass tickle their legs. Hinata fiddled with the grass blades, occasionally pulling some out of the earth. Kageyama sat there, staring at the grass like it suddenly caught his interest. Both boys didn’t know what to do. They had never cheered up a weeping Yamaguchi before, someone who was considered to probably be the smiliest kid other than the sunshine, Hinata, himself.

“I really love him. I really do…” Yamaguchi spoke up softly and slowly, taking deep breaths in between. “And I had considered the fact of Tsukki not returning these vile feelings of mine, but… this hurts… so much.” He looked over at the bare trees that stood solemnly around the school. The chilly breeze brought goosebumps along his skin and blew his hair away from his face, revealing the ugly redness at his eyes and nose. The other two looked at Yamaguchi somberly, their hopelessness weighing them down. He looked up at the bright, blue sky that mocked the emotions of melancholy that drowned him. “He probably got her when he started leaving me for his _friends_.” Yamaguchi rambled on. “It started a month ago, when he started to leave every lunch to god-who-knows-where and… -- I don’t even know why but -- I waited there for him to come back to me and stay with me but he never did. And I love him so much but… of course…--” Pause. “-- who would want to date a fucking, gross homo like me?”

A period of silence was shared amongst them. “I knew that you weren’t associating yourself with Tsukishima for the past couple club practices but I didn’t know this was happening… I’m sorry…” Kageyama uttered quietly, tightening his hand into a white-knuckled fist. “If only there was something I could’ve noticed and done earlier…”

Hinata placed a hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder. “It’s his fault for not being there for you. You were always there for him and for god’s sake, you love him. He can keep his short lasting girlfriend. He doesn’t deserve you and he better realise that.”

“Exactly,” agreed Kageyama.

Smiling painfully though their attempts did no little comfort to him, Yamaguchi whispered, “Thank you…” He hugged his thighs closer to his chest, looking out wistfully to nowhere.

 

\---

 

**2 DAYS AFTER**

The days before, Kageyama and Hinata somehow managed to drag Tsukishima back into volleyball practice, which pleased the captain very much, even though he didn’t put much effort in playing. Hinata still treated him well unlike Kageyama. Yamaguchi, since the emotional crumbling, took a day away from school and quickly returned with the same bright smile on his face. However, Kageyama could see the absence of stars in his eyes when passing by him in the hallways.

Tsukishima groaned as he walked towards the gymnasium. “I don’t see a point to doing some stupid sport when I could just go home early.”

“Home, my ass,” Kageyama spat bitterly.

Hinata quickly spoke to cover Kageyama’s remark. “We dragged you here because we have that practice match coming up next Tuesday and I’m not going to lose to Aoba Josai just because a certain someone couldn’t be bothered to put a little more effort in playing.”

“How boring,” Tsukishima replied. “It’s only a practice match anyway.”

The three strolled to the gym, Hinata continuing the conversation about his opinion on volleyball and Tsukishima carelessly saying how sport is just a waste of time and energy, and they caught up to Yamaguchi hauling the bag full of volleyballs into the gym.

“Oh hey, guys,” Yamaguchi greeted. “Ready for the coming match?”

“Yep!” beamed Hinata in excitement. “I can’t wait to show the Great King some cool things up my sleeve.”

“That isn’t very clever to do considering that it’s only a practice match,” scoffed Tsukishima, rolling his eyes. “You’d be showing all your cards before the real matches are even planned.”

“At least I got something. You don’t have any new skills,” responded Hinata pridefully.

Yamaguchi dryly chuckled at them. “Alright you two, if you’re going to keep standing there, one of you can bring in the other bag for me.”

Tsukishima slipped into the gym with a quick ‘not me’, leaving the silent Kageyama and a bright Hinata behind. Until the blond slipped inside, they stumbled towards Yamaguchi.

“Feeling any better from the break?” enquired Kageyama. Hinata peeped out from behind him. “You can always take some days off if you need to.”

“Yeah." Yamaguchi looked down at the cracks on the concrete. "Still hurts but it’s better. I’m just glad Tsukk--Tsukishima’s doing well, whether or not it's with or because of me.” He faced into the gymnasium, to Tsukishima’s general direction with a smile plastered on his face. “After all, it was coming anyway.” He quietly left, carrying the bag of balls into the gym with him and carefully padded towards the blond. Until he was close enough, a metre behind the tall figure, he took a breath.

“Hey Tsukishima. Nice seeing you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, thanks for reading if ya'll did. I hope you enjoyed and understood what I meant by the "13 year old drama" thing. 
> 
> I just wanted to say that the whole idea behind the trees that transitioned from Autumn to Winter were to reflect Yamaguchi's dependency and infatuation with Tsukishima. At first he's happy and wants to be around him all the time. But as time changed, like the leaves, his feelings began to develop and change, and in the end, die off. Not sure if that makes any sense...
> 
> And if this seemed like really cliche and OOC, this fic was like me trying to express how I felt towards my best friend and how utterly wrecked I'd be without her, and I was like "Y'know, this might make some good fic material". So yeah...
> 
> I might make a 2nd chapter to this in Tsukishima's POV and make after this chapter but that's if you guys want it.  
> Hope you all a wonderful day!!


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